...About My Drinking Problem?

I sat at my computer, The Wonder Years adorning my television in the background, for a solid forty-five minutes trying to solidify my thoughts into a coherent thesis. Why is it that we are starting this blog? One would think that with all of the conversations Caleb and I had had about it, and all of the thought I had put into it, I would be able to answer such a simple question. And yet, when attempting to write my inaugural piece that would answer my half of it, I was clueless. Caleb’s first piece was already in the revision process. At this moment, while I had put a lot of thought into this undertaking, I had yet to produce any actual content.

Historically, I have always lacked a certain amount of follow-through. No matter the idea, I would inevitably approach some mystical breaking point that quashes my interest. I had started numerous blogs over the years, the remains of which are scattered about the Internet gathering e-cobwebs, never to be looked upon again. I had resolved to exercise and read (a book, not Reddit) daily several times, only to drift back to my comfortable, trivial daily routine of watching television and organizing MP3s. It seemed that my ways were to forever stay unchanged. And then the vomit really hit the fan.

Allow me to explain. I rarely drink alcohol, and a couple of years ago, I had not ever been drunk in my life. Whenever my friends and I would decide to get crunk, as it were, I tried to take it slow. This, however, did not last. In November of last year, my long-time friends Ryan and Brandy held a viewing party at their apartment. The event was the Magic: the Gathering World Championships, and I was looking forward to it. I won’t tell the whole story here (though I may chronicle that night at some point in the future), but this was the first time I had ever drank so much that I vomited. Twice. And then I slept. I didn’t feel all that bad physically afterwards, but I couldn’t help but feel I had gone from a friend at a party to a burden that had to be dealt with.

Time went on, and as we didn’t have another party for a bit, the memory faded. In early October, Caleb hosted a party for some friends. Many, many alcohols were consumed by all of the drinkers in attendance. At one point, people found some delight in tipping others out of their patio chairs. Matt, ever the defiant one, sat down and loudly proclaimed his stability. Jason, never one to turn down a challenge, immediately threw his half-full beverage on the ground and proceeded to tackle Matt backwards out of the chair. Once some people grew tired of the great Patio Chair Fights of 2011, the party moved inside where we belted out group renditions of Piano Man and Party Up among others. Despite the amazing time thus far, I once again found myself hugging the porcelain (only figuratively, though, as I defiled a driveway this time around). I found a bed and immediately fell asleep. Once was an understandable case of not knowing my limits. The second time could be explained away as being swept up in the moment. As I recall, the entire party got a little too loose, but I was the only one to upchuck.

Fast forward once again to the last weekend in October. Saturday night, my friends and I decided to head to Chris’s house to party. The crew was top notch, and the drinks were flowing. I kicked off the evening with a Hawaiian Punch/Vodka drink that was about fifty percent vodka. After a drinking game that had everybody in stitches after every sentence, I was thoroughly tanked. And yet, I persisted. I continued to drink and sure enough, about an hour later, the insides of my stomach were spilling out into Chris’s sink. Not one to change up the routine, I promptly passed out on his couch.

Waking up the next morning, I experienced an odd clarity. The house was empty; Chris had an appointment to get to, and the other guests had left long ago. I cleaned up a little and left the house. I took a step outside to find that everything was illuminated. The warm October wind felt amazing on every inch of my skin. The colors from the flowers and grass and sky were so vibrant. I sat for a minute simply staring at a tree’s limbs blow in the wind. I recognized this moment as an important fork in the road and simultaneously realized just how much of a burden I had become to my friends and family. I immediately resolved to start affecting change in my life, and am well on my way to becoming the man that I want to be.

Before Caleb had written anything, this blog was simply another idea that was fun to talk about; one of my many project ideas that dissolve into nothingness as quickly as I dreamt them up. I have a terribly tendency to quit before I even get started most of the time, and despite the vigor and tenacity with which I discussed the idea of starting our own blog with Caleb, in the back of my mind, I could not see anything ever coming from it. And then I read his first piece. This passing idea we had was now palpable. Not only that, but it was at this moment that I realized that this blog had to be made. If my crystallizing morning-after moment was to ever mean anything, I need to stop thinking about ‘why’ all the time, and just do the things I have always wanted to do. The ‘why’ of it all will work itself out. The question was no longer ‘Why are we starting this blog?’. Instead, it became ‘what took us so damn long to do so?’!

There is not a singular purpose behind this blog. Our topics can and will be all over the place. I have many stories to tell, as does Caleb, and we intend on sharing them all. I hope that whatever audience we garner will laugh with us, will languish with us, and maybe even learn with us.